"Best Sardarji Jokes For You"

1. Santa Singh and Banta Singh were sitting on a tree and Santa Singh was singing a song. After 4 songs Santa Singh hung himself upside down and started singing again.Banta Singh : Santa Singh what is the matter with you?Why are you hanging upside down.Santa Singh : I am singing the B side.

2. Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on the wall. It read "Padne waala gadha."(one who reads it is an ass). Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,"Likhne waala gadha."(One who wrote it is an ass).

3. Surdar: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?" Man: "It's 3:15." Surdar: (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

4. Examination time, One sardarji was appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on."Oye,I am only following the instructions yaar," he says," it says here, "Answer the following questions in brief".

5. Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence."They should not put up such misleading notices, "said Banta Singh." It said , FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

6. LONG FLIGHT: Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?" " Just a sec," comes an answer "Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up!

7. Jassi singh tells his gf, "come home tomorrow, no one will b at home."
   When she goes the next day to his home.......
   There was NO ONE at home

8. COLOR TV : Sardarji is buying a TV.
   "Do you have color TVs?"
   "Sure."
   "Give me a green one, please."

9. Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made. The top is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?'
   Banta : 'Yes, that's funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will
   the lassi stay in the glass when the bottom is open?'

10. Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh are in a railway station. Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana?" "No,"answers the Railway man. "Can I?" asks Gani Singh.

11. Santa used to work in a saw-mill. He was in hospital after he lost his arm in an accident. Banta was visiting him in the hospital.
    Banta: "It was really bad that you lost your hand. However thank Wahe Guru that it was your left hand, since you are right handed."
    Santa: "It is also because of my quick thinking. Actually it was the right hand which was going to be caught in the machine. Then I realised that I am right handed and so switched hands just in time!

12. Once Santa Singh called Banta Singh for a hearty lunch. Banta Singh arrived promptly on time and was surprised to see the door locked. Then he saw a note which said,'' Kaise ullu banaya!''Banta Singh was terribly furious, therefore thinking himself to be smart stuck a note saying, '' Main to aya hi nahein'

13. Sardarji ( to doctor ) : 'Doctor, I have a problem.'
    Doctor : 'What's your problem?'
    Sardarji : 'I keep forgetting things.'
    Doctor : 'Since when do you have this problem?'
    Sardarji : 'What problem?' 

14. This guy was driving in a car with Santa Singh. He told him to stick his head out the window and see if the blinker worked. Santa stuck her head out and said, Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..

15. Banta and Santa buy one race horse each after learning about big money in racing.
    Says Banta, "How do we identify which horse is mine and which one is yours?" Santa Singh replies,"I will cut the tail of my horse and so the horse without a tail will be mine and the one with a tail will be yours." So they cut the tail of the horse.But in the night their naughty kids cut the tail of the other horse too. And the next day Banta Singh is worried and says, "I will cut one of the ears of my horse so the horse with one ear will be mine and the other one will be yours." The next night the kids cut the other horses ears too. And so it goes on until the horses lost their ears, eyes, broken noses etc. And in the end both horses were left only with bare legs and were just barely living. Both Santa and Banta were frustrated. At last Banta says, "BAHUT HO GAYA. SAFED WALA GHORA MERA, KALA WALA TERA

16. A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to say to his wife leaving for the office : Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa' .. One day his wife fed up of this answered : ' Bye Bye,Doo Bacchon Ke Baap'.
    That ended the husband's witticisms.

17. Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time he tries to sleep, one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleepwith a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated.He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja achchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling in to deep sleep in his hands. so he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, Guoooonnnnn."

18. Count the chickens: Sardars Hari Singh and Gani Singh walked toward each other on a country road. Hari Singh carried a burlap bag over his shoulder."Hey Bhai," Gani Singh drawled, "what's in the bag?""Chickens," was the reply. "If I guess how many, can I have one?" "Yes,You can have both of them." "OK, Five, Right?"

19. One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in America.A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh."Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me Banta Singh". Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Realxing?". Another Sardar was much educated and answered Yes I am realxing. The Sardar slapped him on his face and said "Salay,Sab tere Ko wahah doond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai."

20. Santa Singh accidentally locked his keys inside his car. He called a mechanic - Banta Singh who arrived and said, "Give me ten minutes and I'll have everything worked out."Santa went back inside his house and came back after a few minutes. He found Banta working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As Santa watched from the passengers side, he instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," Santa announced to the mechanic, "Its open!"
    "I know," answered Banta. "I already opened that side."

21. Banta bought a brand new maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar to Jalandhar to meet his friend.He reached Jalandhar in a few hours. After spending a few days there he decided to return and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach Amritsar that evening and not even the next day.When he finally reached home on the third day his distraught mother ran out hugged him an asked,"Arre puttar kya hoya??" Banta got out tired and said, "Oyye Maruti wale pagal hain, agge janne ke leye chaar gear banaate hain aur pichche jane ke leye sirf ek!"

22. A Sardarji, a Muslim, a Hindu and an American were flying. Suddenly the plane's engine goes bad. So everybody is advised to jump. But they realise that there are no parachutes on the plane.
    Sardar being little bold thinks "saala marna tey haiga, why not try something". He unties his turban and holds the ends, making it like a Parachute, and jumps out. Luckily the idea works and he floats down like on a parachute. Seeing this, Hindu pandit also opens his dhoti and does the same, he also starts floating. 
    Now Muslim also removes his kurta and does the same and he too starts floating. Now comes American's turn. Poor chap is wearing torn Bermudas and a tattered T-shirt. Anyway he also removes them ties everything up and jumps. But it does nothold and he starts falling very quickly. On the way to the ground he passes the Muslim, who says "Allah tumhari khair kare". Another 1000 feet and he passes the Pandit. Pandit says "Bhagwan tumhari raksha kare". Falling rapidly, he quickly passes the Sardarji. Sardarji says "accha aey gul eh.....race lagani haigi, le phir"......... and leaves the turban.

23. Santa and Banta rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. One day they had a huge haul of 30 fishes.Santa said to Banta, "Theres lots of fish here! Mark this spot so that we can come here tomorrow."The next day when they were driving to rent the boat, Santa asked Banta, "Did you mark that spot?" Banta replied, "Yeah, I put a big X on the bottom of the
    boat!"Santa said, "You fool! What if we dont get that same boat today!?!?"

24. Bra-Panties: A British lady is window shopping in Delhi. Suddenly she realizes she is late for an appointment. She is not wearing a watch so she sees a small shop on the roadside, goes to the shop and asks in very British accent to the sardar owner.. What's the time??
    The sardar is a very patriotic man and hates foreigners and their English accent while speaking ... replies back in the same accent... Bra-panties!! Confused the lady asks again. No! No! What's the time?? The sardar again answers back.. Bra-panties!! Bra-panties!!Seeing the confusion going between the two, another sardar comes to the rescue of the lady and says.... O papaji tusi samajh nahin paaye!! Kudi twade kol time puuch rahii hai gayee!! The angry sardar shots back at him .. Tow main bhi to oonoo time hee das rahan hai barah panthis (12:35)

25. Two Sardarjis were in conversation on the beach Sardarji 1 :Praaji , Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ?
    Sardarji 2 : Tumhe nahe pata ?
    Sardarji 1 : Nahe pata.
    Sardarji 2 : Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai esliye eesai beach kahete hai ..

26. One day two sardars met and started chatting. The main topic of the conversation was about how others view sardars. They felt that sardars are being ridiculed too much by others. They wanted to teach others a good lesson. Soon they had a plan for that. Said one Sardar to the other, "We two will go to beach tomorrow morning. We should keep on staring at the sea. People in anxiety will crowd behind us but we should not turn to see them. Finally in the night or so we will turn and say "Hey Fools! What you think of sardars?". That will be a good lesson. What do you feel?". The other one was simply overwhelmed. He said "that's really real!" and hugged him. Next day the two sardars went to the beach and did according to the plan. Soon they heard murmuring behind them and were happy. Time passed by and the noise from behind was increasing more. The two smiled at each other but didn't turn. It became late night and the sardars decided to turn to see the crowd. The sardars were shocked not because the crowd was more than expected BUT ALL IN THE CROWD WERE SARDARS!!!

27. PROFESSOR SARDAR : Sardar Singh was very keen on doing his Ph.D. He was in search of a subject on which no one did any research before! As he was thinking over it, he found a cockroach on the table in front of him. He decided instantly to do a research on the cockroach. He picked the cockroach and put it in the centre of the table and said: "Run". The cockroach ran. He pulled out one leg of the cockroach, put it again in the centre of the table and said: "Run". The cockroach ran. He pulled one more leg of the cockroach, put it again in the centre of the table and said: "Run". The cockroach ran. This way the cockroach tried to run even when it had just one leg. He pulled last leg of the cockroach, put it again in the centre of the table and said: "Run". The cockroach could not! Our Professor was satisfied with his study and started writing his thesis: "When you pull out all the legs of a roach, it cannot hear anymore".

28. Bus Tickets : Once Banta Singh was going by Bus. He took two tickets.Conductor: Why do you want 2 tickets when 1 is sufficient for you. Banta: If I loose the 1st one then I will be having this 2nd one.Conductor: What if you loose that 2nd one two? Banta: No problemStill I will be in safer side, b'coz I am having my Bus Pass

29. The collector asked Banta Singh for his rail ticket. Banta Singh searched his pockets but could not find it. 'Never mind,' reassured the collector, ' I will take your word
    that you bought your ticket.' That is very kind of you,' replied Banta Singh, 'but if I don't find it, I want to know where to get off.

30. At Indo-Pak War : Once in the Indo Pakistan war, Pakistan was fighting fiercely and capturing everything in sight. A sikh camp called Gurudwara hide out was crucial to defend from the pakistanis as it contained all the defence secrets. The Pakistani forces surrounded the base and the sikhs had thought that they had lost the battle but, suddenly out of the bushes jumps Cptn.Hari Singh wearing a Maachar dani!(mosquito net) He Pulls out his AK-47 rifle and fires like mad. The Pakistanis run off quickly. The next day Hari Singh gets a medal. His freinds ask him "Yaar thu maachar daani kyon pehenke gaya tha?" Hari Singh replies "Maachar daani itni patli hote hain ki agarmaachar nahin ghus sakte, goli kahan se ghussenghi? In the following war Hari Singh retires and his son Gani Singh (No Assumptions Please!) joins the army. Pakistanis are again surrounding the Gurudwara hideout, the sikhs again think they've lost the war but out of the bushes erupts Gani Singh wearning nothing he tries do shoo away the Pakistanis like his father did but instead gets shot. In the hospital his friends tell him "aare yaar, therre bap me tho itni akal thi ki vo maachar daani pehin ke gaya tha, aur tu nunga chalegaya" Gani Singh replies "Aare yaar main tho ODOMOS laga ke gaya tha"!

31. Tyson and Sardar : One rainy day Sardar singh was travelling by his new FERRARI car. He was not a very good driver and so, did not have complete control on it. Mike tyson was also riding his bike on the same road . At a speed breaker sardar's car came in contact with tyson's bike . Tyson got very angry.He dragged sardar out of the car and threw him a few yards away from the car. Tyson then drew a small circle around sardar and shouted " Hey !! It's not easy for you to damage my bike and get away . Now i will be thrashing your car. You should stay inside this circle and watch me smash your car. If you come out of the circle, I will kill you immediately".Then tyson turned towards the car and he smashad its side indicators. Then he looked at sardar . Sardar looked at tyson sarcastically. Tyson's anger grew and he smashed the window panes and then again looked at sardar. Sardar grinned at tyson. Tyson was confused. Tyson could now not at all control his anger and he broke the side doors and tore away the seats of the car. Then he again looked at Sardar. Sardar was laughing so hard that he could hardly stand. This time Tyson came to Sardar and he told " oh ! what is this ? I am spoiling your expensive car and you are so happy about it ?" Sardar replied " Every time you turned towards the car I was out of the circle and you did not notice it . I have fooled you. You are a fool .."

32. SARDAR THIEF : Santa Singh was shifting his residence. He was packing his belongings. By midnight he was too tired and dozed off with the house door open. A sound woke him up. A thief was packing valuables. Banta Singh found it very amusing; the thief was doing the job for him! "When this smart guy finishes, I will catch him". Banta was a hefty guy; so when the burglar finished packing, Banta Singh jumped on him and tied him up. Then he went to the police station and reported the matter. "What did you do to the thief"? "I tied his hands; you come and collect him". "I hope you tied his legs too". Banta Singh felt a cold feeling in his spine; he had forgotten about the legs. He sat down for a while. Then he cheered up and said, "Inspector Sab, the thief, he will still be there". "How do you know"? "Well, that fellow is also a Sardarji".

33. 'Take me to the 10th floor,' said Banta Singh as he entered the lift of a high rise bulding. When the lift reached its destination, the liftman opened its gates and said, 'The 10th floor, beta.' Why did you call me beta?' demanded Banta Singh. 'I am not your son.'
    'I called you beta because I brought you up,' replied the liftman.

34. CHANDIGARH OR JALANDHAR : Sardar was going to Chandigarh from Pune by a Air-India plane. He was allotted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the Sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was actually of an old lady. After some time the old lady came and requested the sardarji to leave the side seat. But the Sardaji told: "I want to see the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then complained to the airhostess. Their hostess came and requested the Sardarji to leave that seat. But sardarji was adamant and did not leave. Then the air-hostess went and told the asst capt. He also came and requested, but in vain. Finally the Captain came. He whispered something in the ears of the sardarji, and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat and returned to the middle seat. Astonished, the airhostess and the asst. capt. asked the capt. hat he told to the sardarji. Capt. replied: "Nothing. I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others will go to Jalandhar."

35. Double Decker Bus Ride :  Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a double- decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush is over, Santawent upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh!What the heck's go in' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?" Scared Banta replies. "Yeah, you've got a driver, But what about here?".

36. Santa Singh got his promotion and become an officer in Punjab Government. To keep up with his status, he decided to speak only in English to all his subordinates.One morning, his peon peeped through the door to see if his boss was busy.Santa Singh noticed him and shouted, 'Why are you outstanding! Please income.

37. Once Santa Singh called Banta Singh for a hearty lunch. Banta Singh arrived promptly on time and was surprised to see the door locked. Then he saw a note which said,'' Kaise ullu banaya!''Banta Singh was terribly furious, therefore thinking himself to be smart stuck a note saying, '' Main to aya hi nahein"

38. Santa noticed a banana peel on the street. He mutters to himself: Saddi to kismat hi kharab hai. Aaj phir girna padega!

39. Santa Singh wanted to lose weight desperately and so he consulted a doctor. The doctor told him that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would lose 34 kilos.Santa followed the doctors advice and at the end of 300 days, he called the doctor to report that he had actually lost the weight, but had a problem.
    Whats the problem?, asked the doctor
    I am 2400 kilometers away from home.

40. Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25 minutes."What is the matter today? asked her husband. "Today you had less than half an hour conversation on the phone."I got a wrong number," replied Mrs. Banta Singh.

41. Mrs Kartar had bought a beautiful sweater for her husband . She sent it to her husband by parcel post along with a note. The note said : ' The buttons of the sweater are removed
    since they where too heavy and added to the postage . You will find them in the right hand pocket of the sweater.

42. Banta Singh went to eat in ramshackle hotel. To his surprise the waiter who came to serve him happened to be one of his classmate at school. Banta called him and said 'Aren't you ashamed of working in a seedy joint like this?' Not at all,' replied the classmate. 'I would be ashamed if I ate my meal here. I only work in this place.

43. A SARDARJI is in the library , he bangs down a book and says :" too boring, too many characters and no story.
    LIBRARIAN says : oh! U r the one who took the phone directory away??