Help To Make Her Feel Better
+172
Susan was having a tough day and after returning home she started complaining
She said to her husband, “Nobody loves me….nobody cares for me..the whole world hates me!”
Her husband, watching TV said casually: “That’s not true dear. You are not that famous that whole world hates you.Some people don’t even know you.”
Submitted by zanny.
Cheesy Pickup Lines
+90
Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.?
You’re so hot you would make the devil sweat.
You are the only reason why I came in here alone.
Damn, I thought “very-fine” only came in a bottle!
Hi, are you here to meet a nice man or will I do?
I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away!
Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
Didn’t I used to always pull on your ponytail in grammar school?
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
I’m the kind of man who deserves to have women I don’t deserve.
Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
I was just curious?Are you as good as all the guys say you are?
Excuse me, I’m looking for a friend…do you want to be my friend?
I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!!
Do you like music? (Yes) Good, I’ve got a great stereo system at home!
I’m sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.
As she’s leaving….Hey aren’t you forgetting something? She: What? Me!
Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.
Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can’t take them off you.
Was you father an alien? Because there’s nothing else like you on earth!
Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number?
Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.
Congratulations! You’ve been voted “Most Beautiful Girl In This Room” and the grand prize is a night with me!
I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile.So, would you smile for me?
You’re so hot you would make the devil sweat.
You are the only reason why I came in here alone.
Damn, I thought “very-fine” only came in a bottle!
Hi, are you here to meet a nice man or will I do?
I hope you know CPR, because you take my breath away!
Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
Didn’t I used to always pull on your ponytail in grammar school?
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
I’m the kind of man who deserves to have women I don’t deserve.
Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
I was just curious?Are you as good as all the guys say you are?
Excuse me, I’m looking for a friend…do you want to be my friend?
I just wanted to show this rose how incredibly beautiful you are!!
Do you like music? (Yes) Good, I’ve got a great stereo system at home!
I’m sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. Well then, please start.
As she’s leaving….Hey aren’t you forgetting something? She: What? Me!
Do you believe in helping the homeless? [If yes] Take me home with you.
Do you mind if I stare at you up close instead of from across the room?
There must be something wrong with my eyes, I can’t take them off you.
Was you father an alien? Because there’s nothing else like you on earth!
Do you have the time? [Gives the time] No, the time to write down my number?
Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams.
Congratulations! You’ve been voted “Most Beautiful Girl In This Room” and the grand prize is a night with me!
I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile.So, would you smile for me?
Submitted by zanny.
5 Things which can happen only in Bollywood Movies
+149
1. At least one of the identical twins born is evil.
2. While defusing a bomb,don’t worry which wire to cut,you will always choose the right one.
3. A police can solve a case only when he is suspended from duty.
4. A hero will show no pain while getting beaten up but will show pain when a woman is trying to clean his wound.
5. If you decide to start dancing on street,everyone you meet will know the step.
Gold Medal Winner
+60
Tom, the Commonwealth Gold Medal runner, was on his way to a bar with some friends.
At the door, the bouncer turned to him and said “Sorry, mate, you can’t come in here – no denim.”
Tom was quite annoyed at this and retorted, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m Tom, the gold medal winner in 400m .”
“Then it won’t take you long to run home and change, will it?” replied the bouncer.
Submitted by zanny.
Finding Her Place
+41
On her way back from the theater sitting, a blonde asked a man at the end of the row, “Pardon me, but did I step on your foot a few minutes ago?”
Man hoping for an apology said, “Indeed you did.”
Blonde nodded, and said, “Oh good. Then this is my row.”
Submitted by zanny.
Boy and Teacher
+199
Teacher : whoever answers my next question, can go home.
One boy throws his bag out the window
Teacher : who just threw that?!
Boy : Me! I’m going home now.
Submitted by tousif.
Knows When to Stop
+91
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.
The bartender is curious and asks him “every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?”
The man replies, “I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home.”
Submitted by Carl.
Violent Thunderstorm
+37
An airliner flew into a violent thunderstorm and was soon swaying and bumping around the sky.
One very nervous lady happened to be sitting next to a clergyman and turned to him. “Can’t you do something?” she demanded angrily.
“I’m sorry ma’am,” the reverend said gently, “I’m in sales, not management.”
Submitted by Olivia.
Mr Angry – Golfing
+42
A very angry golfer was on his way to carding a round of 150. He turned to his caddy and said’, You must be the worst caddy in the world.’
‘That would be too much of a coincidence, sir’, answered the caddy in a quiet voice.
Submitted by Jacob.
Chatty Parrot
+41
There was a family that had a parrot that was always embarrassing them by cussing and other stuff like that.
So one day the boy took the parrot and stuck him in the freezer.Two hours later the squawking stopped.
The kid checked the freezer and the parrot said, “Okay I’ll stop cussing, but I have one question”.
The boy said, “What”?
The Parrot asks, “What did the turkey do”???
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