Chuck Norris jokes

Chuck Norris jokes

Best chuck norris jokes

Chuck Norris got an A+ times infinity in Physical Education.

When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it

Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris once threw a hand grenade and killed 50 people.......then it exploded

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.

The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris can get Smokey the Bear to start a wildfire.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn't take shit from anybody.

Even Google can't find Chuck Norris...

Chuck Norris once told Hillary Clinton to shut up. She did.

Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 Minutes in a half-hour.

Usually when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear...Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Physics is bound by the laws of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can leave a message, before the beep

When Chuck Norris bought an ipod, it listened to him.

"When Chuck Norris left his home at the age of 18 to be a movie star, he told his dad "You're the man of the house now"

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.