Long Joke

Long Joke

?1 kavi garibi se tang aa kr Daku Bn gya, Daketi krne 1 bank gya or kha
. 
Arz h..
Tkdir me jo h whi Milega..
HandsUp,Koi apni Jgah se nhi Hilega!!
.
Fir cashier se kha..
.
Apne kuch khwab meri ankho se nikal lo..
Jo kuch b tmhre pas h jldi se is bag me dal do!!
.
Bahut koshish krta hu teri yad bhulane ki..
Khabrdar,koi koshish na kre police ko bulane ki.!!
.
Fir jate-2 kaha..
.
Bhula de mujhe kya jata h tera.
Mai goli mar dunga jo kisi ne picha kia mera.....:-D :-P

Engineering and Medical college principals argued that


"Their students are fearless".


Medical college's Principal called his 2 students and told them to Jump
... in the sea full of Sharks.


They Jumped........!!.


The principal Said : "See the Guts".


Engineering college's principal called 2 his Students.


And told them to Jump in the Sea.


They said,


"Abe pagal budhdhe.. ??


sathiya gya hai kya??".


.
Principal said : see the guts. . . ;-)


.
.
.
Engineer Students Always Rocks ;-)





CAUTION,Jokes Ahead:-):-)


A little boy wanted Rs500, so he prayed 4 weeks, but nothing happened.
Finally he decided 2 write a letter 2 God requesting Rs500.


... When post office staff received a letter addressed 2 God, they forwarded it 2 the President.


President was so amused, she instructed her secretary 2 send the little boy Rs 500.


As she thought Rs500 would be a lot of money for him she sended Rs 200.


The little boy was delighted wit Rs200 & decided 2 write a thank u note 2 God.


'Dear God, Thank u very much 4 sending d money. However,
I noticed dat u ev sent it through 'Rashtrapati Bhavan' & those corrupt donkeys ate my 300 rupees! :/ :P





A few things american movies taught their kids-


1 Chinese have nothing better to do than teach or practice kung fu.


2. More than 50% of the US Population are FBI/CIA agents mayba working undercover .


3. if a man has survived a mishap with a lady. then he is entitled to a kiss, no matter if he meet the lady only that day.


4. The purpose of school system in USA is to promote basketball


5. aliens have a special interest in attacking US!! :P :D

Most'First Class'students get technical seats, some become Doctors and some Engineers.


* The'Second Class'pass, and then get MBA, become Administra tors and control the'First Class'.


* The'Third Class'pass, enter politics and
Become Ministers and control both.


* Last, but not the least,


The'Failures' join the underworld and
control all the above.


And those who do not attend any school, become Swamis and Gurus
and everyone goes to them. :P :D

Laloo sent his BioData 2 apply 4 a post in Microsoft USA. Few days l8r he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,

You do not meet our requirements.

Please do not send any further correspondence.

No phone call shall be entertained.

Thanks

Bill Gates

Laloo prasad jumped wid joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a press conference-

"Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogi ki hum ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayi hai."

Every1 was delighted. He continued"Ab hum aap sab ko apna appointment Letter padhkar sunaungaa ? par letter angrezi mein hai isliye saath-saath Hindi main translate bhi karunga."

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad - Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiya

You do not meet - Aap to milte hi nahin ho

our requirement - Humko to zarurat hai

Please do not send any further correspondence - Ab Letter vetter bhejne ka kaouno zarurat nahin

No phone call - Phoonwa ka bhi zarurat nahin hai

shall be entertained - Bahut khaatir ki jayegi

Thanks - Aapka bahut dhanyavad

Bill Gates - Tohar Bilva :D :D :PpPpP

If animals have Facebook, these are most likely to be their Status Updates:

Cockroach: Managed to skip from some one’s foot step.. Man, I lead a dangerous lifestyle! :P

Cat: My 7th child is asking who is her dad..what shall I tell her??, I don’t even remember :D
...
Mosquito: I am HIV positive this is all due to wrong sucking !!! :/

Chicken: If tomorrow I am not updating my status, means I am being served at KFC. Love you all ?

Octopus: I have just refilled my ink..horray!! ^_^

Pig: Oh gosh they throw the gossips that I am spreading flu…WTF!! :X

Goat : Friends, don’t go out, Eid holiday is coming :'(

Pig writes a comment on Goat’s status: "Luckily I am haram" |4 likes (Y)|

Goat replies: "Don’t you remember that after Eid is the Chinese new year..?


Teacher was teaching Mahabharat a to 6th std students.. .
Teacher:- Kans heard Devaki's 8th son would kill him...So he put Devaki&Vasudev in prison. 1st child was born...Kan s killed him by poison. 2nd...Kans killed by sword....3 rd was born...
(At this point, a boy raised his hand for a doubt)
The teacher asked :- What?
The boy said :-If Kans knew that the 8th son would kill him......t hen why did he put Devaki&Vasudev in SAME jail??????
Teacher fainted!!! !!:p:p:p

If Anna was married, toh yeh aandolan kabhi na hota kyonki...

1. Kahan ja rahe ho?

2. Akele tumhi ko padi hai anshan mein jane ki? 

 
3. Yeh Kejariwal ka saath chhodo! 

4. Woh boycut baal wali ladki kaun hai? Baar baar bagal mein akar baith jati hai. 

5. Shaam tak aa jaoge na? 

6. Pahunchte hi phone karna! 

7. RamLeela Ground se lautne par ek kilo Papita lete aana, aur raste mein ATM se paise nikal kar lana. Bhoolna nahin! 

(Peeche se)- Paise lana mat bhoolna!






Most STUPID questions people usually ask in obvious situation.

1. At movies: hey! Wt r u doing here?

Me: I sell tickets in black here. Don't u know?
...
2. In bus:A fat lady steps on my feet: Sorry did that hurt?

Me: No not at all. I'm on local anesthesia . y don u try again?:O

3. When i got woken up at midnight by a call: sorry! Were u sleeping?

Me: Na! I was doing research on whether monkeys in Africa marry or not. U thought i was sleeping,u stupid fool?

4. when they c me with shorter hair: hey Have u had a haircut?

Me: Nah! Its autumn. my hairs shedding.!

5. When sm1 call on land-line n asks where r u?

Me: M in market with telephone around my neck






BIMAARI In Bollywood Style :

1. Jiya Jale jaan jale, Raat bhar dhuan chale : FEVER

2. Tarap tarap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi : HEART ATTACK

3. Juda hoke bhi tu mujh main kahin baki hai: CONSTIPATION

4. Birri jalaiye jigar se piya jigar maa barri aag hai: ACIDITY

5. Tujh main rab dikhta hai yaara main kya karun: CATARACT

6. Tujhe yaad na meri aayi kisise ab kya kehena: ALZEIMERS

7. Man dole mera tan dole: VERTIGO ;-) :-P :D 






New 1 by gals:
Bread ke liye jaise sauce hota h vaise hr boy frnd jaruri hota h.
koi phne mein hmare balnc dalwaye._
koi naya naya phne dilaye.
ek tujhe branded kpde dilaye or ek tujhe dominoz mein piza khilaye.
koi luks main hero to koi ghost hota hai per har boyfrnd jaruri hota hai.
koi darlng koi dear koi sweetheart.
jaanu vanu,baby shaby every1 hrami
 sb yaad krke tym pas bada mast hota hai pr har boyfrnd jaruri hota hai.
Har boyfrnd jaruri hai..




3 guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes have failed and the car is accelerating out of control.

So, the driver pumps the emergency brake, downshifts the gears, and rubs the wheels' rims against the curb. He finally wrestles the car to a stop. The three climb out and assess the situation.

Hardware tech: "Let's try and fix it. I'll crawl under the car and take a look. "

Systems analyst: "No. I think we should get someone qualified to fix it, a specialist in brakes."

Programmer: "Why don't we just get back in and see if it happens again?






Medical alert about a highly dangerous virus called "Weekly Overload Recreational Killer" (WORK). 

If you come in contact with this WORK VIRUS, you should immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) centre to take antidotes known as 

"Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract" (WINE), 
"Radioactive UnWORK Medicine"(RUM), 
"Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter"(BEER), 
"Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen"(VODKA). 
Choice is yours!




Santa revisits d doctor... 
Doctor: Dawai pee li thi nahi? 
Santa: Nahi doctor sahab dawai to hari thi. 
Doctor- mera matlab hai dawai le li thi na? 
Santa- ha doctor sahab apne di, to maine le li thi. 
Doctor- are yar dawai ki sheshi kha li thi na? 
Patient- nahi doctor sheshi to bhari hui thi. 
Doctor- abe gadhe dawai ko pee liya tha na? 
Patnt- are dr sahab peeliya (juandice) to mu jhe tha! 

AFTER ENGAGEMENT:

SHE: I waited so long for this.

HE: Do U want me to leave? 

SHE: No. never! 

HE: Do U love me? 

SHE: Yes I did, I'm doing & I'll do. 

HE: Did you ever cheat me? 

SHE: I would rather die than to do it. 

HE: Will you kiss me? 

SHE: Surely, it's my pleasure. 

HE: Will you hurt me? 

SHE: No way, I'm not such a kind of person. 

HE: Can I trust you? 

SHE: Yes. 

HE: Oh, Darling! 

To know AFTER WEDDING: 

>>Read from bottom to top<<

There are basically 7 TYPES OF GIRLS...

1. HARD DISK Girls:
Remember everything forever.

 2. RAM Girls: 
Forgets about you the moment you turn her off. 

3. SCREEN SAVER Girls: 
Just for looking. 

4. INTERNET Girls: 
Difficult to access. 

5. SERVER Girls: 
Always busy when needed. 

6. MULTIMEDIA Girls: 
Makes horrible things looks beautiful. 

7. VIRUS Girls : 
These type of girls are normally called 'WIFE' 
once enters in your system don't leave even after format.

Sonia gandhi 1 school visit krne gyi 1 class me a kar boli bachcho koi sawal puchna hai to pucho.

Papu bola mere 3 sawal hai

1) Aap khud prime minister Q nahi bani 

  2) Ramleela maidan me police kisne bheji 
3) Apka kitna paisa Swiss bank me hai. 

Isse pehle ki Sonia ji jawab deti half time ke bell ho gayi. 

After half time 

Bablu khadha hokar bola Mam mere 5 sawal hai.. 
3 to Pappu wale hai 

4) Half time ki bell 20min phle kaise baji? 
Or akhiri sawal 
? 
Q5=Pappu kaha hai?

Girl :- Koun Ho Tum ?
Boy :- Hasrat Tumhari..

Girl :- Dekhte Kya Ho ?
Boy :- Surat Tumhari..

Girl :- Karte Kya Ho ?
Boy :- Pooja Tumhari..

Girl :- Kafir Ho Kya ?
Boy :- Jo Bhi Samjho..

Girl :- Chahte Kya Ho ?
Boy :- Mohabbat Tumhari..

Girl :- Pachtayoge Tum ?
Boy :- Kismat Humari..

Girl :- Shadi Shuda Hu Mein ?
Boy :- Pahle Bata Deti Manhus Naari... :@ :P

Very Interesting naming of our Indian States........... Incredible India

Large state: maha rastra

Place of king: raja sthan 

Queen field: rani khet 

Mr. city: sri ngr 

Rhythm of eyes: nani taal 

Face: surat 

Unmarried gal: kanya kumri 

God's state: hari dwar 

Brick city: ita ngr 

Saint hair: rishi kesh 

Call end: kol kata 

No zip: chen nai 

Come on sun: arun aa chal 

Cum in evning: aa saam 

Go n come: go a 

and finally do drama: kar natak

Husband : My love Why are you looking so much pink

Wife: When your lovely words touch the bundle branches of the circulatio n system of my heart.

It starts beating faster, because, increased output transmitte d to adrenals which start secreting glucagon.

To increase blood glucose level and combat this emergency, also increase pituitary output to increase blood estrogen level, caused by vasodilati on and I LOOK PINK

MORAL: Never marry a DOCTOR She'll spoil your love
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