Look to the Moon
Paddy and Seamus were walking home from the pub. Paddy says to Seamus, ‘What a beautiful night, look at the moon.’
Seamus stops and looks at Paddy, ‘You are wrong, that’s not the moon, that’s the sun.’ Both started arguing for a while when they come upon a real drunk walking in the other direction, so they stopped him.
Seamus stops and looks at Paddy, ‘You are wrong, that’s not the moon, that’s the sun.’ Both started arguing for a while when they come upon a real drunk walking in the other direction, so they stopped him.
‘Sir, could you please help settle our argument?
Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that’s shining. Is it the moon or the sun?’ The drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them, and said,
‘Sorry, I don’t live around here.’
Control Over Wife
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet.
After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife?”
The third fellow says “I’ll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees.”
The first two guys were amazed. “What happened then?” They asked. She said, “get out from under the bed and fight like a man”.
Under 18 not allowed
A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
“Sorry I can’t serve you,” States the barman.
“Sorry I can’t serve you,” States the barman.
“Why not?” asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.
“You’re under 18,” replies the barman.
Absolutely Nothing!
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?”
“My mother died in August,” he said, “and left me $25,000.”
“Gee, that’s tough,” he replied.
“Then in September,” the friend continued, “My father died, leaving me $90,000.”
“Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you’re depressed.”
“And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000.”
“Three close family members lost in three months? How sad.”
“Then this month,” continued, the friend, “absolutely nothing!”
I Heard the World Goes Around
There’s this drunk man standing out on the street corner.
A cop passes by and says, “What do you think you’re doing?”
The drunk says, “I heard the world goes around every 24 hours and I’m waiting on my house. Won’t be long now, there goes my neighbour.”
